Johann Hari

​- NY Times Best Selling Author

​

In order to participate and make the most of this group, there are a few things that will need to be understood and committed to. We will bullet point each one and add an explanation.

• You will need to commit to being here for 60-90 minutes a week​

Understand that each week, a part of you will want to log on and join the
group and a part of you will not. The journey through this type of territory
often feels and looks more like the 13th mile of a marathon than it does the
triumphant starting gun. So make that commitment to yourself.

• Judgment and condemnation of yourself or of anyone else is simply not helpful. You will need to learn to listen before you speak and be willing to allow for the darkest parts of people to be accepted.

It is a common experience to want to draw concrete lines and declare certain behaviors “good” and others “bad”. 

But remembering that the goal here isn’t that people would present themselves as perfect, it’s that each person has a deeper experience of love – love that lifts shame and causes clarity within the person experiencing that love. 

This is the heart of God. 

And so in this space we drop all judgment. There are no “horses” to fall off of. What is helpful is observation and the deeper question about why we do what we do.

• You will need to bring yourself to the table.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to share every time. Sometimes
you may, sometimes you may not. But bringing yourself can also mean being willing to do the hard work of observing your own experiences of your fellow travelers on the journey. 

Simply observing as people share and as the facilitator leads can be incredibly helpful to everyone present and to your own work.

• Respect the facilitator, but please don’t worship her. 

The group facilitator is on the same road you are on. The difference between you and her is simply that she is further down that road. 

She is not perfect and is not pure, but is trained and experienced in walking this road. It is natural to look to leaders to be role models and you can expect that from your facilitators. 

They will lead you in walking this path themselves and calling you forward as well as being honest about their journey

• Our goal is to openly pursue freedom at all costs. This freedom is recognized by the presence of the “fruits of the spirit” as described in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Where these things are present, there we find the presence of God and the experience of freedom. We move in recognition that our unwanted behaviors do not further the experience of freedom in our lives, and we seek to understand why we are driven to these things.

• This is a safe group. We are here to support, love, and nurture without
  judgment. The group facilitator has the right to redirect conversation at any time he feels this rule is being broken.​ Additionally, if a member "endangers" the safety of another member, such actions will not be tolerated and should be reported to your group leader immediately.
  

• It must be recognized that the most fundamental truth about this journey is that it is each person’s choice whether to walk it or not. Therefore, it is up to each person whether they want to check-in and share or not. When someone does share, they will not be interrupted.

• What is discussed within the group is sacred and must not be shared outside of the group under any circumstances.​
  

• Each member may offer encouragement to others in the group, but there will be no “fixing”. Solutions can be unhelpful in this format. We say this with the recognition that some may have helpful things to input into someone’s life and have offered GroupMe as a way of interacting on a one on one level that can facilitate that.​
  

Each person will be given the opportunity to check-in. You are not required to speak for great amounts of time, but in order to participate in the group, it is helpful that you at least answer the following questions:

NOTE: Please be mindful of a couple of things:​

1. Time. There is only so much. 
2. When you share details about your life, sexually explicit statements can have a negative effect on some. This is not a universal truth, but using phrases like, “I medicated with porn” can say what is needed without sending minds racing in too many directions.

• What is your name? (This only applies if you are unknown to the group or if there is someone new in the group.)​

• Where are you on the path to freedom? This may be a statement about how long it’s been since you engaged in unwanted behavior or perhaps a deeper reflection on how you feel in that moment about your journey. The ancient practice of confession is a powerful tool of self-healing – so if you need to confess, do so. If you are not ready to share, simply say one sentence indicating that. Something like, “I’m not in the right place to share at this time everyone.” You will be met with acceptance and non-judgment.​

• If you do share, our leaders might have a follow up question for you when you are finished. They are trained and insightful people and can often give you something to think about or reflect on that can be helpful. This will not come in the form of criticism or judgment. You do not need to answer these questions if you do not want to, but know that they can be helpful and move you forward on the path.

The following are additional questions that can be helpful for you to consider while you are preparing yourself to check-in. It is not a script. 

Answer or respond to whatever speaks to you in your situation. You can say whatever you want. Emotional honesty is paramount.

• What are you medicating with - porn/sex/masturbation?​

• Why do you think that porn, sex, masturbation, etc. is your particular drug of choice?​

• When was the last time you self-medicated (i.e. acted out sexually)?​

• What typically happens to you physically when you are stressed, triggered, heading down the road of medication?

• What triggered you the last time you acted out?​

• Last time you felt the need to self-medicate how did you respond? Did you “escape” the situation or did you “journey” through it and try to learn from your experience?

• What have you worked on or built upon since your last meeting?
  (Hint: see your notes)

• Where do you think you are on the recovery map?​

• How are you feeling about your journey right now? (i.e. hopeful, discouraged, frustrated, optimistic, encouraged, victorious, etc.)

• If you had to sum up what you learned about sex in childhood, what would you say it was?

• What do you believe about God and healing? Why do you believe that?​

Since this is an online program and community it is necessary that you become familiar with the following so that you can participate in your weekly meetings and take advantage of all the additional resources Small Groups Online offers.

• When you signed up you were given a password for your account. This
  password is for use with your Omnify member’s account. You only need this for billing purposes (like updating a credit card).​

• As an Small Groups Online member you have access to our private social network via application or join your actual meeting here. GroupMe​. Your leader will send you an invitation code to your group’s private board. We really encourage you to take advantage of this tool as a great source for daily accountability, support, and encouragement. GroupMe is a great place to solidify your relationships and place in this new tribe you have joined.